After the death
by AnyLoveIsPerfect
Summary: Buffy tries to forget Angel but she just can't his everywhere and she just can't keep him out of her head no matter what she does She is an emotional wreck since Angel's death


Chapter one

After the death

"I remember the good times and the bad times with Angel … I remember the late night patrols we went out on together and I remember our love we shared … I even remember the first time we kissed … most of all I remember our long talks we would have … that's all a memory now … Angel is dead long and gone but I still feel him everywhere I go … almost feels like Angel is still here with me … Angel's death is still fresh in my mind no matter how hard I try to forget I can't. Buffy thought to herself."

Buffy's Flashback

"Giles hated that I was late for my slayer duties besides I deserve to have a normal life for like two seconds … I better go before I'm late and I hate to make Giles wait .. Buffy said as she walked out the door and went downstairs."

My mom hates that I sneak in the house after my curfew … but I'm not a normal teenager … I'm the slayer the chosen one I have to protect the world from all the big bad things that go bump in the night. "Buffy thought to herself as she walked into the kitchen."

Buffy went to the fridge to get some juice.

Buffy are you going to be home for dinner … Mrs. Summers asked .. Hoping Buffy would at least eat something before she left to do whatever she did.

I can't mom I have this big test I have to study for and I promised Willow that we could study together … Buffy said .. Buffy hated lying to her mom but it was the only way to keep her safe from harms way. Besides it was one little lie we don't have a big test but what's one lie going to hurt anything.

Will you at least eat a little something Buffy .. You can't study on an empty

stomach. Mrs. Summers said.

I'll eat something and than I have to go. Buffy said .. as she went back to the fridge to find herself something to eat.

Buffy when I came home from the gallery last night … I came to say good night and you weren't in your room … were where you ? . Mrs. Summers asked. With a concerned look on her face.

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth … that's why I wasn't in my room. Buffy said … it was true I was in the bathroom but not brushing my teeth .. Buffy said.. thought to herself.

Look at the time I got to go … I'm going to be late … I love you mom …. Bye … Buffy said as she gave her mom a kiss and walked to the door.

Bye Buffy I love you to … see you later … and we'll discuss this later. Mrs. Summers said.

Ok later … Buffy said as she walked out the door.

I wish I didn't have to lie to my mom … but what choice do I have really. Buffy said to herself.

Buffy took a short cut to the cemetery to meet up with Giles and the others .. It didn't take Buffy that long to get to the cemetery.

Buffy finally made it to the cemetery … wow I'm finally here and I'm so late Giles is so not going to like this not one bit. Buffy said to herself.

Buffy went into the cemetery … it was dark and cold … but Buffy didn't mind the dark too much. … it's what that lingers in the dark at night that bothered her.

Buffy saw Angel and walked up to him.

Hey Angel … where are the others … I thought we where suppose to meet them here. Buffy said with a puzzled look on her face.

Giles said for me to wait for you … there back at the school. Angel said.

Well we might as well patrol … while where out here. Buffy said.

Guess it couldn't hurt … maybe we should go to the school .. So the others don't worry. Angel said.

Angel is there something wrong … Buffy said .. As she begin to worry that Angel didn't sound like himself.

Angel Put Buffy's hand in his … Buffy I'm fine … I just think we should just go see if the others need our help … before we start to patrol.

I just can't get the feeling off my mind … that there is something wrong with Angel … but I'm not sure what and I doubt it's anything to worry about … he say's his fine … I guess I'll have to take his word for it. … besides there is nothing really I could do at this point … or is there. Buffy said quietly to herself.

Well we better go … we don't want Giles to worry … Buffy I'm fine no need to worry. Angel said.

Buffy took one last glance at Angel … before she followed him … she still felt uncomfortable … what if he has changed … I should be able to know when Angel has turned … but I can't … it's weird how the next minute you are worried … but than he gives you this puppy dog look … so you can't worry over something like that. Buffy thought to herself.

Come on Buffy … everything is fine … Angel took Buffy's hands in his … and looked into her eyes … Buffy don't worry … I'm fine. Angel said.

We better go … Giles isn't going to like that we are late. Buffy said.

Before we go … I have one last thing I want to do … Angel said. With a smile.

What is it that you want to do? … Buffy said. With a puzzled look on her face.

Angel grabbed Buffy into his arms and put his lips against her lips and begin to kiss her.

* * *

Chapter two

Alone but not quite

"I haven't been able to have a good night sleep once … As the death of Angel replay's in my mind … My mom say's it takes time to heal … and that things will get better in time … how does she know it takes time to heal … and how does she know that things will get better in time … I find myself at times playing little special moments that Angel and I had shared … in my mind. Buffy said to herself."

Sometimes I can feel Angel's presence … like he is still here somehow …. But deep down I know in my heart that he is not. Buffy thought to herself.

I don't go out much like I used to … I keep my mind on patrolling … what else is there to do … Your dead and gone … Buried deep within inside of me. Buffy said out loud … as if Angel could hear her.

Buffy got out of bed she couldn't sleep … she paced the floor of her bedroom … Thinking about how … She wished she had enough time to save Angel.

Buffy stopped pacing … and stood in one spot … and gazed at the ring that Angel had given her on her birthday.

Buffy's Flashback

"My people - before I was changed - they exchanged this as a sign of devotion. It's a claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty... and the heart... Well, you know... Wear it with the heart pointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody. Like this." Angel said.

"Angel turned the claddagh ring towards her."

"It's Beautiful …" Buffy said.

Chapter three

Leaving friends & Family behind

"I can't stand being here … you're everywhere … I see you everywhere … the places we went … makes me think of us … going on patrol isn't the same without you fighting right here beside me. So I know what I must do … I must leave Sunnydale … to never return … sure my friends will understand … I don't think my mom would understand me leaving close to the end of my senor year … But I have to go … Angel is everywhere … he is in my thoughts …. He is in my dreams like I said he is everywhere … I'm I going crazy … cause I could of sworn that I saw him once before at the bronze … Leaving won't solve anything … or will it … I just can't stand being here in this room or in this town or state … so I'm living I don't know where I'll go or where I'll end up … Saying good bye will be though … so I won't … I'm leaving tonight … I have made my choice. Buffy said to herself. "

Buffy Left with only her Duffel bag full clothes and Weapons … She wrote her mom a note.

Dear Mom

"I'm sorry but I have to leave you may not understand … but that is what is for the best I have nothing here for me … I guess what I am trying to say is I'm never going to have a normal life … I'm always going to be different … I'm always going to be the slayer … you may not understand this now … but you will someday and when that day comes I'll try and explain … but for now good bye … I love you mom …. Ps Willow Xander and Giles please take care of my mom. "

"As Buffy finished the note she begin to cry …. The thought of leaving hurt her more than anything … but she knew she had to or she'll go crazy … Buffy left the note on the coffee table in the living room … she walked to the door opened it … and turned around one last time … Good bye Buffy whispered and walked out the door."

"Both Willow and Xander walked to Buffy's house to see how she was doing."

"Xander Buffy's going to be ok right I mean she has to be … We haven't seen or spoke to her since Angel's death. Willow said with a worried look on her face."

"I'm sure she'll be ok … I mean she is the slayer and Buffy is a strong person I always thought she was anyways … Xander said with a look of worry on his face as well."

"Xander and Willow made it to the street Buffy lived on … they continued to talk about Buffy and how she was holding up."

As they turned into Buffy's driveway … Willow knew something was going on and didn't quite know what.

"Xander I'm worried about Buffy I have this strange feeling … something very weird is going on and I'm going to find out what … are you with me Willow said as she begin to walk really fast to Buffy's house."

"Sure will, I'm with you Xander said as he tried so hard to catch up with his much faster friend."

Xander and Willow both made it at the same time to there designation

Willow knocked on the door for what seemed like a long time before anyone came to the door to open it.

"Will, I don't think anyone is home maybe we should try later. Xander said with fear almost in his voice."

"Just little longer Xander please I'm sure Mrs. Summers is just busy or getting Buffy. Willow said as she looked at her friend hoping she was right."

Before Xander could say anything … Mrs. Summers came to the door.

I'm coming I'll be right there. Mrs. Summers said as she walked quickly to the door.

Mrs. Summers opened the door to see who it was.

Mrs. Summers was happy and sad to see Xander and Willow. Happy because she hadn't seen them in while and liked having them around . And sad because she had to tell them that Buffy wasn't there that she left and is never coming back.

Hi guys it's nice to see you again come in I was just cleaning up a little … I am sorry that the both of you had to be outside so long. Mrs. Summers said.

"It's ok Mrs. Summers it wasn't that long really. So where is Buffy have you seen her Giles has been worried about her ever since Angel's death Buffy hasn't been around at all since then and Xander and I wanted to see if she is alright. Willow said."

Mrs. Summers tensed up at the question of a worried willow no one should ever have to worry about a friend like that.

Willow and Xander just stared at Mrs. Summers wondering what she had to say where Buffy had gone.

"Mrs. Summers cleared her throat as she begin to speak."

There's something I need to tell you guys … it's about Buffy. … why don't you have a seat … Willow and Xander sat down … Mrs. Summers said as she took the note from Buffy from her pocket and placed it on the coffee table in front willow and Xander where they where sitting.

Willow and Xander just looked at each other in shock.

Willow took the note from the coffee table and begin to read it to herself when she finished the note she didn't move she just sat there frozen for a while.

Will, what did Buffy's note say is she ok. Xander said worried about what had made Willow freeze in her place.

Willow came back to what seemed to be her not so reality from just reading that her best friend had left and would never be home again.

"Oh Xander it's awful the note said that Buffy's not coming back she is gone for good. Willow said.

Oh. Xander said with sadness in his voice.

Did she even consider how we felt about her living and not saying goodbye to us face to face Buffy will never know how I really felt about her and that I truly loved her and now she is gone I will not get to tell her how I feel … I will never get to see her again … sad part is none of us will … even in death Angel wins. Xander thought grimly to himself.

* * *

Chapter Four

Things after Sunnydale

"It's been three months since I left Sunnydale If I could turn back time I would but I can't . New York is a nice place but I do miss home but I know I can never go back so I am forever stuck in a world where no one understands what I do for a living I have avoided all contact with Giles and the others so they won't get hurt or try to talk me back to coming back to Sunnydale they wouldn't understand anyway. I have my own apartment. I should be happy right?. But I am not happy. I miss them all but most of all I miss Angel." Buffy said to herself.

"My life hasn't been the same since I left the only place I ever knew as home I am a high school drop out I have a minimum wage job to pay for my apartment I go on patrols and I have no friends. I am alone so totally alone. Buffy said aloud to herself in her kitchen of her one bedroom apartment."

"Maybe I will go back to Sunnydale someday maybe I won't. but deep down Willow and Xander and my mom heck even Giles know I love them right?.

I hope so, maybe just maybe they'll still love me. Buffy said to herself."

Life goes on you just have to see where it takes you. I know what I am doing is right. Even though my mom or the others don't think it was the right thing for me to do. Life is a show and you have take action to change it. If you think that leaving the home you ever knows and moving across the state. In a city where nobody knows you or cares about you. Than that's what I did and had to do. Buffy thought to herself.


End file.
